As we approach the end of 2024, the holiday season is now in full swing. This time of year ignites an array of emotions: for some there is excitement at the prospect of spending time with loved ones, for others dread. Family gatherings can bring up old patterns, triggers and deeper wounds (often unconscious) stemming from childhood. Yet these challenges also offer a profound opportunity for healing and self-empowerment through the creation of healthy boundaries.
As someone with a Libra sun and Pisces moon (two signs that are innately tuned into the needs of others), I constantly struggled with asserting healthy boundaries in relationships. This manifested in a number of ways: I felt anxious, drained or overwhelmed around certain people. I often said yes to things that didn’t feel aligned and then experienced resentment. There are times when I would refrain from speaking my truth to keep the peace and then replay conversations in my mind, feeling a sense of frustration that I didn’t speak up. The following are a few soulful strategies that have helped me in creating better boundaries with others:
1) Get to know your own energy
You are probably already familiar with the concept of boundaries in the physical world, yet this notion also exists on an energetic level. You have an energy body often referred to as an aura. When you are by nature a sensitive person (this is especially true for water signs), you will be more prone to unconsciously taking on the energy of others. If you find your mood unexpectedly shifting around a certain person (ex. you were in a good mood and suddenly feel irritated), you are likely experiencing an “energy leak”. During my time teaching middle and high school students, this happened to me regularly: I would go to work, interact with other teachers who were negative or irritable and find myself exhausted and drained by the end of the day.
In order to maintain better energetic boundaries, it is essential to first be aware of your own energy field. A simple technique that helped me was spending time each day in solitude connecting with my aura. The more familiar I became with my own energy, the quicker I realized when I was taking on an energy that did not in fact belong to me. Once you are grounded in your own energy, you can then create energetic boundaries. A practice that I like to teach my clients is called expanding your aura: when you feel an energy coming in that you do not want in your field (ex. your overbearing mother-in-law), imagine your auric field (you can visualize this as white light) expanding, taking up space and pushing out any lower vibrational energy. Energetic boundaries also work through intention: in the morning before leaving your house, you can set the intention to only welcome into your auric field high vibrational energy and imagine a protective white light of love surrounding your physical body. Give it a try and take note of what happens.
2) Embrace the word “no”
I used to have trouble saying no to people, believing on an unconscious level that this would disappoint others and result in either judgment or abandonment. However, when I began to connect with the vibration of the word no, I realized not only its power but also its healing potential. Learning to embrace no allowed me to step into my personal power and rewrite the belief that my worth was tied to how much I gave or sacrificed for others. The word no shifted my own energy, creating a new standard for how I desired to be treated.
Saying no to people, situations or conversations that compromise your own well-being is an act of self-love. It connects you to your deeper authenticity and truth, allowing you to prioritize and honor your own needs. Over the holiday season, when you receive a request or feel a sense of obligation to do something, try pausing before giving an automatic yes. Ask yourself: does saying yes feel nourishing or depleting?
3) Consider how you honor your own self-boundaries
Our relationships with others mirror the relationship we have with ourselves. Contemplate how effective you are in creating your own healthy self-boundaries. Do you allow yourself time to recharge after an intense work day? Do you prioritize or commit to daily acts of self-care? (ex. going to bed at a certain hour in order to have enough rest) Do you honor your limits? (ex. recognizing when you’ve overbooked your schedule). Self-boundaries provide a sacred way to honor your time, energy and emotions. Consider writing down a few self-boundaries that you will commit to over the coming month.
Setting healthy boundaries offer an opportunity for deep growth and healing, allowing us to rewrite old patterns, reclaim our energy and prioritize our inner peace. What boundaries will you create to fully stand in your truth and honor your own emotional, mental and spiritual well-being over this holiday season?
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