Venus, the planet associated with love, relationships, self-worth and finances is currently in retrograde. For anyone new to Astrology, when a planet is in retrograde, this means that it appears to move in reverse. The energy created is therefore one of retrospection and review. In addition to Venus (and almost every other planet at this moment) retrograde, the Lunar Nodes (aka our karma and destiny) have switched signs, moving into Aires and Libra. With the South Node now in Libra, a sign connected to partnerships and balance, there is a major spotlight on relationships. You may feel the urge to reevaluate the relationships in your life, both personal and professional. Retrogrades bring in the energy of clearing, offering clarity on what is and isn’t working, what must shift and change in order to evolve and expand.
If you have been feeling that a relationship is out of alignment, here are three questions to ask yourself in order to know if it’s time to let go:
1) How do I feel around this person?
Our emotions are our direct hotline to our intuition. When we get comfortable in a relationship that has unhealthy patterns, a tendency can be to ignore or suppress our feelings, especially the uncomfortable emotions signaling that something is off. I have personally experienced a few relationships that set my nervous system into overdrive. As a Libra, I naturally am tuned into other peoples’ needs and have an inherent desire for harmony. In relationships where there was an unhealthy energy dynamic, my nervous system would frequently go into hypervigilance mode. I found myself filtering what I said, experiencing an omnipresent “walking on eggshells” feeling in the presence of the person. I would rarely speak my voice in order to keep the peace and often took responsibility for emotions that in actuality were projections from the other person and not my own. When we are in a relationship, it can be more challenging to see things from a place of detachment. It took some solo time reconnecting to my own energy, fully engaged in the process of self-introspection and healing, to realize where I had created unclear boundaries in relationships and taken on other peoples’ burdens that were not mine to bear. As I started to hold space for my emotions instead of trying to suppress them, I became aware of which relationships felt good and which ones felt off. Doing the healing work myself allowed me to understand and honor my own needs first.
Check-in with your emotions the next time that you’re around a partner, friend, family member or coworker: how do you feel? Expansive or restricted? Peaceful or agitated?
2) Does this person support me through the challenges and celebrate the wins?
Going through a two-month lockdown in China, a few moves across the world and the process of creating my own business has taught me a lot about relationships. I’ve had moments of self-doubt, breakdowns and breakthroughs. Throughout these experiences, many relationships fell away. There were some friends who questioned the untraditional and unpredictable path I had chosen: when things got tough, they suggested that I look for another teaching job. Others would attempt to dim my light by directing the attention back to themselves when I shared a success or a small win that I was proud of. One friend who has shown me the true meaning of a healthy and supportive friendship lives in the UK. Despite the distance, she has been a constant presence in my life, providing emotional support through a rocky transition from China to the US. She is the person that reminds me of everything I have achieved when I question myself, who has always supported my dreams and who gives me the gentle kick in the tooshie that I need at times when my mental narrative takes over and I go into moments of overwhelm.
Who in your own life supports you through the tough times while also celebrating with you your accomplishments?
3) Is the person in this relationship someone that I am learning from or growing with?
Every relationship in our life serves as a mirror. Many of my relationships have been ones that I’ve learned from, showing me a part of my shadow that I need to heal, to love and to welcome back home. When I’ve learned the lesson, those relationships have either naturally drifted away or have felt so out of alignment that I know they ultimately need to be released as I expand and evolve. Other relationships have been ones that I’ve grown with. I have a friend who lives in Israel that I haven’t seen for seven years. Despite the time and distance, we continue to make an effort to be in each other’s lives. I supported her through four years of IVF treatments as she went through the process of having a child on her own. In the same way, she has encouraged all of my dreams, even the ones that she may not fully understand.
As we move through retrograde season, I invite you to take inventory of the relationships in your lives. Are they energizing or draining? Do you feel supported to stand in your personal power or find yourself dimming your light in the presence of another? Making the conscious choice to release relationships that no longer nourish you, however difficult, is a beautiful way to reclaim your sovereignty, reconnect with your deepest authenticity and create space to welcome new soulful connections into your life.
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