Endings are a concept that I have spent a good portion of my life fearing and dreading. As humans we seek safety and security, so our natural tendency is a desire to hold on: to people, to situations, to places, sometimes past their expiration date. Change is, innately, uncomfortable. And so we often on an unconscious level strive to avoid endings, in search of stability and comfort. The byproduct of this resistance to change during life transitions is stress, overwhelm and anxiety, as we feel the safety of control steadily slipping away through our fingers. We fear the unknown, often lacking faith and trust that the universe has a higher plan, that things will work out for our greatest good.
Numerology describes the human experience through a cycle of nine. Each year is significant, from birth to endings. This has been a nine year for me, a year in which my soul decided to give me a major kick in the pants to speed up my evolution, face my fears and make peace with endings. The year began with the sudden passing of my brother. Next was the accelerated ending of a seven year chapter in China. Along with that came the completion of some soul contracts, as I said goodbye to friends and the support system I had created in China and began a new path alone.
The way that we navigate endings is a choice. My brother’s death was painful, heartbreaking and traumatic, yet I allowed myself to experience and move through these emotions and ultimately came to a place of acceptance and peace. My own spiritual practice helped immensely, as I found different ways to connect with my brother (meditation, mediumship, intuitive cards, etc), to honor his memory, feel his love and know that he was at peace. My ending in China was more challenging because of my resistance to change. My intuition kept giving gentle nudges that it was time to go, yet my mental narrative and fears took over. I resisted the idea of moving back to the US after seven years abroad, of having to rebuild my life and a new career from scratch. I told myself that I was going backwards in my evolution and my ego pushed back with fevor until a larger external event (a two month lockdown in Shanghai) forced me to see the signs: it was time to move on.
These experiences all led me to an important question: what if we actually held space for endings? What if we honored them as sacred and tuned into their innate wisdom, instead of running screaming the other way? One of my main takeaways of the various uncomfortable transitions in 2022 was that death is a necessary part of the growth process. As we learn, as we evolve, as we make realizations about ourselves and the beliefs and behaviors that are no longer aligned, there are parts of us that must die. Death is, in essence, sacred because it allows us to release the old in order to make space for something new, something beautiful to be born. Perhaps this is the death of a relationship, of a partnership. For me it was a move, an ending in a location that no longer felt right or good. When we have received our karmic lesson and integrated the learning, moving on is the natural process for our soul’s deeper evolution.
As we close 2022, I invite you to hold space for the endings in your life. Acknowledge them, honor them for the lessons they have taught you and then let go, allowing something new to be born.
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